Living with the Unimaginable: Surviving Murder-Suicide Loss
by Tawna Righter
The stories are plastered across the news: “Family Dies in Murder-Suicide” or they are simply mentioned in a few short sentences on Page 5 that another man has killed a woman and then himself. The scenarios differ slightly but the general outcome is the same: someone, usually a male, kills one or more persons and then himself. Families are horrifically devastated and communities are shocked and confused by the drastic actions taken by someone they knew to be a nice person. Unfortunately, it is a repeating scenario nearly everyday in America. 
Statistics collected from news clippings by the Community Awareness and Support Center, an organization founded specifically for murder-suicide survivors, show that 2008 experienced 533 murder-suicide events with the loss or wounding of more than 1,200 Americans. These tragedies leave countless numbers of survivors from the immediate families and friends, to work or classmates and first responders. I became one of these statistics in November of 1990 and then again in November 1998. Continue reading››
Men’s Experience with Grief
by Adrian Hill, LLB
In 1994, I attended my first suicide prevention conference with my wife, a noted psychologist with considerable expertise in suicide prevention and bereavement programs. Traveling to Canada’s artic, we visited Iqaluit in Nunavut, a community of 3,000 people, the only city in a vast region.
Organized by the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention, there were keynote addresses, workshops, seminars, and meetings with speakers from around the world. I volunteered to help out and immersed myself in the conference. I experienced firsthand the anguish and grief of the local community which has been ravaged by suicide deaths for the past 20 years. Knowing next to nothing about suicide, prevention, and bereavement, there was much to learn, absorb and take to heart.
This first conference experience for me started an educational process that quickly accelerated in 1996 when I became Executive Director of a National Lawyers’ Assistance Program in Canada. While I had helped found the program in 1990, I was now responsible for developing Health, Wellness, and Recovery materials for 70,000 lawyers and judges across Canada. To me, it had become natural to include suicide prevention in the new materials I was creating. Continue reading››
“Grief: A Family Healing” Short Film
By Jeffrey Jay Orgill
In February 2009, after breaking up with my girlfriend and moving out of our home, my dad invited me to move in with him and I found myself living back in the house where I’d grown up. This was a bit troubling to me for many reasons– primarily the state of disrepair the house had fallen into and the story behind that. When I was asked to be on a “Men and Grief” panel at the American Association of Suicidology being held in San Francisco I decided to make a film on the subject which I would show at the conference.
My dad had suffered extreme grief from a family tragedy, my younger brother Brian’s suicide, and the house had become a stark reflection of his inner suffering. I’d made another short narrative film which focused on my mom’s experience soon after my brother’s death and now I was making a short documentary about my dad and youngest brother’s experience with grief. Continue reading››
Running with Spirit
By Sally Spencer-Thomas, Ph.D.
Flipping through a box of photos, I come across a picture of me from a few years ago. I am in Little Rock, Arkansas, and I am ready to run. My face is somber and determined, and my racing singlet is covered with pictures– Carson on the back, Sushi on the front. Running has always been my form of therapy, but training for the Little Rock Marathon, was different. This is my story of love, loss, and how running saved me.
On September 16th, my third son Jackson is born, bringing with him joy to the world and 50 pounds of midsection for me. Within two weeks I am back to exercise: first walking then jogging then running. As pounds melt off, I set my sights on my next running goal.
When my two closest running friends, Leslie and Anna, moved away from Denver in the preceding year, we decided we would try as often as family and finances allowed to get together somewhere in the world to run a reunion marathon. In the beginning of October, we decide the Little Rock Marathon would be our first. Arkansas’ Governor Huckabee lost 110 pounds training for this marathon. In our little on-line running support group we joke: will we beat the Governor? Continue reading››
In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Mystery of Her Mother’s Suicide Book Excerpt
By Nancy Rappaport, MD
“It is family lore that I am the last person my mother saw before she killed herself. She drove to my father’s house pleading to see the children, but I was the only child at home. My father demanded that she leave. Bee, our housekeeper, hustled me out the door and down the driveway toward my mother who waited desolate on the street. She bent down and caressed my hair – I remember – as she whispered instructions to Bee to watch over us, especially me. And then she left….I am often asked if I remember my mother. I appreciate that the question is a way to express the hope that my loss has been tempered, at least, by a photograph, a necklace, or her words – anything I might call on to evoke her presence. But I have few mementos and even fewer memories. My mother is defined by her absence…. Continue reading››
Surviving Suicide– A Survivor’s Perspective of the Journey
By John Peters, M. Suicidology
We lost our son, Dale, 18 years ago and these are some random thoughts on the journey that followed. At the time, I was a school teacher and my wife, Jean, was a social worker. Our two daughters, Wendy and Heidi, were married with children and held down professional jobs.
I would stress that we all dealt with Dale’s death at the age of 26 in our own different ways. I certainly would not have welcomed counselling but my wife did. About two years later, Wendy suggested that we should attend a conference for survivors organised by Alice Middleton on behalf of the embryonic U.K charity, Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide. I declined to go– it was not my scene. Jean and Heidi met a counsellor at this meeting and after a lot of preparation set up a support group in our local area. Continue reading››
If this helps…
By Ginny Sparrow
I was often told, after the suicide of my mother, that there is a gift in every tragedy. A silver lining. Such bs to most of us.
Fifteen long years later, I do have to admit I have found gifts. Gifts of courage, of strength, of sense of humor about things simply out of my control. Here are a few things that I know I handle completely differently than “before”:
- When I hear of a tragedy, a death, a diagnosis, I have no fear about picking up the phone, sending a card or grief book. Where I used to fool myself into believing the bereaved “needed space” I now know Continue reading››