Beatitudes for Survivors after Suicide
By LaRita Archibald
BLESSED are they that recognize suicide grief is compounded; that we grieve the death of a beloved person, but first and foremost, we grieve the cause of the death.
BLESSED are they that give us permission to mourn the loss of one dearly loved, free of judgment, censure, and shame.
BLESSED are spiritual guides who relieve our concerns for the repose of our loved one’s soul with the truth that God is All-Knowing, All-Loving, and All-Forgiving.
BLESSED are they that don’t offer the meaningless cliché, “Time Heals,” because, for a long while, the passing of time holds no meaning or value for us.
BLESSED are they that don’t say, “I know just how you feel” but instead say, “I am here for you. I will not tire of your tears or your words of sorrow and regret.”
BLESSED are they that have the patience and love to listen to our repetitive obsession
with WHY? without offering useless answers or explanations.
BLESSED are they that reaffirm the worth of our deceased beloved by sharing
memories of his/her goodness and times of fun, laughter, and happiness.
BLESSED are the mental health care providers who explain to us that, very probably, our
loved one died of a terminal illness called depression.
BLESSED are they that challenge our sense of omnipotence with the reminder that no
one has enough power or control over another to cause them to end their life.
BLESSED are the first responders to our loved one’s suicide who try to relieve our
sense of guilt and responsibility by assuring us, “This death is not your fault.”
BLESSED are they that lend acceptance to the value of the relationship we shared with
the one who died by allowing us to speak of them and “what might have been.”
BLESSED are they that allow and encourage us to use our loved one’s death in a manner
that gives our loss and grief meaning and purpose.
BLESSED are they that do not expect us to find “closure,” “grief resolution,”
“recovery,” or to “be healed,” understanding that these terms define “grief work in progress” that will take the rest of our life.
BLESSED are community caregivers who direct us to suicide bereavement support
groups where our anguish is understood, our loss validated, and where we are
encouraged by the example of others who have traveled this road before us.
BLESSED are ‘seasoned’ suicide survivors who role model that not only can we survive, but, in time, we can thrive…we can regain peace of mind, restored confidence, renewed productivity, and a revived zest for living.
BLESSED are all who honor our loved ones by remembering how they lived rather than
how they died.
About the Author
In 1980, two years after the suicide of her 24 years old son, LaRita Archibald founded HEARTBEAT, support groups for the suicide bereaved. A member of the American Association of Suicidology since 1979, she was among the founders of the Survivor Division and co-chaired the Division 1993-1994, chaired the first national survivor conference in 1989, served on the AAS school education committee, served on the Surviving Suicide newsletter editorial staff, and is certified as an AAS Crisis Worker. LaRita was among concerned Coloradoans forming the first state suicide prevention organization and, in 1993, LaRita co-founded the Suicide Prevention Partnership/Pikes Peak Region. Upon request of the Schriever AFB commander, LaRita co-authored a Crisis Support Team program and traveled to USAFE three consecutive years to train teams. LaRita has three sons, nine grandchildren, one great-grandson, and lives in Colorado Springs with her husband, Arch, and Snickers, their Yorkie. LaRita’s web site is www.heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.com.
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