In Her Wake: A Child Psychiatrist Explores the Mystery of Her Mother’s Suicide Book Excerpt
By Nancy Rappaport, MD
“It is family lore that I am the last person my mother saw before she killed herself. She drove to my father’s house pleading to see the children, but I was the only child at home. My father demanded that she leave. Bee, our housekeeper, hustled me out the door and down the driveway toward my mother who waited desolate on the street. She bent down and caressed my hair – I remember – as she whispered instructions to Bee to watch over us, especially me. And then she left….I am often asked if I remember my mother. I appreciate that the question is a way to express the hope that my loss has been tempered, at least, by a photograph, a necklace, or her words – anything I might call on to evoke her presence. But I have few mementos and even fewer memories. My mother is defined by her absence…. Continue reading››
Hands Across the Ocean
By Karyl Chastain Beal
The Internet has removed fences and geographic borders, changing the face of grief support groups. Even the ocean is no longer a barrier to connecting with people … just like us.
When I attended face-to-face support group meetings shortly after my daughter Arlyn took her life, the other people there were people that I could easily have bumped into while shopping at Wal-mart, going to a medical appointment, or attending church. We read the same newspaper, our children attended the same schools, and we generally spoke with the same southern accent. They were people I related to because we shared the same community environment.
Now, however, people who join the Parents of Suicides (POS) & Friends and Families of Suicides (FFOS) Internet Community for grief support will find a totally different group of folks to connect with. Some of them may live in the same state, or a state far away, but it’s just as likely that the people they connect with will live in France, Zimbabwe, New Zealand, China, or Ireland. They may speak with a Russian or German accent, a Scottish accent, a Portuguese accent, or an English or Australian accent. Continue reading››
The Aftermath…When a Loved One Dies by Suicide
By Iris Bolton, MA
‘These days are the Winter of the soul…
But Spring comes…
And brings new Life and Beauty…
Because of the growth of the roots in the dark”
The mystery of life and death is beyond understanding. Who could even imagine the sudden death of a child, a sibling, a parent, grandparent, spouse, or friend. And suicide? That event is reported on television and in the newspapers, but it doesn’t happen in your own family, or to people you know…but it does! It happened to me and my husband and our family. On February 19, l977, our world collapsed and changed forever. Our twenty-year-old son, Mitch, ended his life with a gun. The impact on our other three sons and our extended family and friends will never be fully known. Continue reading››
Surviving Suicide– A Survivor’s Perspective of the Journey
By John Peters, M. Suicidology
We lost our son, Dale, 18 years ago and these are some random thoughts on the journey that followed. At the time, I was a school teacher and my wife, Jean, was a social worker. Our two daughters, Wendy and Heidi, were married with children and held down professional jobs.
I would stress that we all dealt with Dale’s death at the age of 26 in our own different ways. I certainly would not have welcomed counselling but my wife did. About two years later, Wendy suggested that we should attend a conference for survivors organised by Alice Middleton on behalf of the embryonic U.K charity, Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide. I declined to go– it was not my scene. Jean and Heidi met a counsellor at this meeting and after a lot of preparation set up a support group in our local area. Continue reading››
RISE (Resilient Integration for Survivor Empowerment) for Removing Guilt of Suicide of Loved Ones
By Cecilia Lai Wan Chan, Ph.D.
Introduction
It is common for suicide-bereaved survivors to ask questions such as: “How come I didn’t notice any signs of it before? I should have stopped it! Did I say something wrong? It is all my fault! How come you abandoned the family and me? I am to be blamed. I am responsible for your death. I can do nothing, I have no hope! I can’t go on with my life…”
Doris suffered from depression for 10 years following her grandmother’s suicide. She cannot hold on to a job. She tried to run away from her home. She has no friends. She holds on to a Continue reading››
It’s time: A challenge to survivors of suicide
By Jerry and Elsie Weyrauch 
Survivors of suicide (those who have lost a loved one to suicide) face innumerable challenges– from the moment they learn of the suicide until they find acceptance. The challenge to reduce the impact of suicidal behavior, so others may be spared a survivor’s life, becomes a lifetime of prevention activity for many people. However, for most, reaching the point where they can just “get on” with their lives is probably sufficient challenge.
Survivors also have learned, from experience or the history of the past 15 years, that one person and a new approach can make the difference between status quo and significant positive progress forward! Many survivors live with a constant Continue reading››
Martyr Personalites and Suicide
by Ernest Shulman
Suicide bombers are in the news. The public sees fanatics dying to make a political point. Some people, however, choose death, not for a cause, but in association with a martyr-like lifestyle. Such individuals exist everywhere. Here I discuss three of them: Vincent Van Gogh from Holland, Primo Levi from Italy, and Nikolay Gogol of Russia.
Van Gogh (1853-1890)
Tormented by failures to connect with others, especially women he desired, Van Gogh lived largely a solitary existence. Some of his habits alienated people (Lubin, 1972). For example, he dressed and spoke uncouthly, indifferent to others’ expectations. He always lived in poverty. He distanced himself from teachers and colleagues. Paul Gauguin lived with him in Arles, France, for a few months but Continue reading››
Beatitudes for Survivors after Suicide
By LaRita Archibald
BLESSED are they that recognize suicide grief is compounded; that we grieve the death of a beloved person, but first and foremost, we grieve the cause of the death.
BLESSED are they that give us permission to mourn the loss of one dearly loved, free of judgment, censure, and shame.
BLESSED are spiritual guides who relieve our concerns for the repose of our loved one’s soul with the truth that God is All-Knowing, All-Loving, and All-Forgiving.
BLESSED are they that don’t offer the meaningless cliché, “Time Heals,” because, for a long while, the passing of time holds no meaning or value for us. Continue reading››
If this helps…
By Ginny Sparrow
I was often told, after the suicide of my mother, that there is a gift in every tragedy. A silver lining. Such bs to most of us.
Fifteen long years later, I do have to admit I have found gifts. Gifts of courage, of strength, of sense of humor about things simply out of my control. Here are a few things that I know I handle completely differently than “before”:
- When I hear of a tragedy, a death, a diagnosis, I have no fear about picking up the phone, sending a card or grief book. Where I used to fool myself into believing the bereaved “needed space” I now know Continue reading››